Return of the Porkness

Photo Courtesy of Miss Temperance Tinker

34th Birthday Dinner Party: Return of the Porkness

It has been a few ages since I have had a pulled pork dinner party for my friendlies on my birthday.  Several years of pretty devoted work, travel, and some illnesses have prevented me from really getting after it. I am glad to be back.

This year took a bit more than the usual bit of creativity to craft a unique pork recipe. I have pretty well cut out sugar and vinegar from my diet for health reasons, basically I had a wicked micro-biotic imbalance in my body that was fed by sugar.  Allopathic medicine is just now starting to get on board to such experiences, so it took 33 years to get diagnosed, with the last 6 years of me really trying to find some answers to some seemingly random health problems.  The whole is greater than the sum of its parts, and all these little 'random' health issues I was noticing since my mid 20's added up to an actual pretty dang serious problem, if I wouldn't have found out about it and gotten myself back into balance. As balance goes, it is a constant affair, but I feel like I have never felt before in all of my life... finally ready to really enjoy it, with so much Gratitude.  I can hardly believe I lived 33 years feeling like crap and didn't even know it. Think about this; think about your awareness. Trust your thoughts and your body when they send you messages.  Listen. Ask questions of people that should know things. And don't take no answer for an answer. Force your healthcare practitioners to think outside the box. There is a lot that allopathic medicine does not know about. Healthcare and the way we view the body as a system is constantly evolving.  Off my soapbox.  Here is the Goods, Graciously.

Since I really have to watch the amount of sugar I eat, I relegate my portions to the occasional glass of wine, shot of whisky, and scoop of ice cream.  I will forgo fruit and carrots for these things occasionally. I know... but I can't be all good, all the time.

As such, this pulled pork has no brown sugar or much vinegar at all.  How does that happen, you ask?  Well, a little sass of course, and some coconut goodness.

In the crockpot:
Round 1
Pork roast/shoulder/tenderloin/whathaveyou;
Coconut water to cover halfway;
Two lemongrass stems (first 4/5 inches) beat up a bit to soften and open the hearts;
and dashes of salt.

Cook on high/low for however long till it's cooked

Round 2
Drain the porkroastcoconutwater goodness and save it for making other delicious things. Pull the pork apart. YEa! discard lemongrass;
Add back in some of the coconut porky water;
Add 2 new lemongrasses, open hearted;
5 kaffir lime leaves, pinched and beat up a bit too;
4 tbs coconut oil;
dashes of salt all around;
and a spattering of fish sauce.

If your as crazy as me:  My ras al hanout: ground all together: up dried papaya seeds, grains of paradise, coriander seeds, chiltipines, and himalayan pink salt.  This spice blend has a sweet, spicy, peppery presence that really compliments the flavors in the pork. If you don't know what some of these things are, you can ask me how to procure them which involves special order from a non profit in Tucson I used to work for, a trip to Summit Spice, and the foresight to save your papaya seeds and dry them with love in three sessions over the course of a week. Lots of love in this ras al hanout, indeed!

Cook on Low for the rest of the day.
Finish with a splattering of raw apple cider vinegar and salt to taste.
I thought I could never love pulled pork so much again!  This recipe was amazing! And no sugar/ anti-candida friendly too! (so much stoke)

For the sauces (always, I have three sauces to choose from):

Thai Panang Coconut Curry
        I cheated w this one and used 3/4 can full fat coconut milk and a can of panang                 curry.  Add Kaffir lime leaves, again: a bit beat up and simmer for a bit.

Coconut Mole'
        Coconut oil (as much as you want sauce);
        coco powder (lots so it gets a little thick;
        a couple chiltepines or some ground chipotle pepper and a pinch of cayenne;
        agave syrup to taste;
        and salt to taste.
        Simmer for a bit

Spicy Asian Honey Mustard

        Ground spicy asian mustard (several tbs of it, you wanna mix it with water and  vinegar to get a desired consistency)  this will be spicy like horse radish. You can substitute normal ground mustard in parts to lighten the overwhelm as needed.
        Raw apple cider vinegar and water (see above);
        a couple tsp of honey powder or at least a tablespoon of raw honey, to taste;
        a lil bit of ground coriander to balance the spice with some sweet;
        and salt to taste.

For the sides:

Jicama Habanero Slaw (this recipe makes a lot)

One medium green cabbage sliced thin and chopped;
Two jicamas, skinned and grated coarsely;
Two organic apples with skin on grated coarsely;
One habanero, deseeded, sliced in thin strips and chopped not too fine (simmer this in three tbs coconut oil to release the flavor and mellow the spice);
1/4 whole fat coconut milk;
and a bit of salt and the ras al hanout from the pork recipe above.
If you didn't make the ras al hanout, you can just use some ground coriander, just
enough to where you can mix it in and just lightly smell the coriander in the dish.
Mix in large bowl and chill.

Baked Kabocha (Japanese Pumpkin)

Bake a kabocha. (I put it in the oven whole on 375f for 25 mins or so, then cut into it. Scrape the seeds and lay the two halves inside down on a sheet oiled with coconut oil) continue baking till soft)
Cut it into slices (I like to leave the skin on, it's pretty and green).
Melt three tbs coconut oil and fry some ground coriander to "bloom" the spice, as in Indian cuisine.
Drizzle the coconut oil over the pumpkin slices;
and sprinkle with salt.
Serve with Coconut Mole' drizzled over them, or not.

Coconut Ginger Barley and Brown Rice with Cilantro (this makes 4-6 servings)

One cup Alaska Barley;
One cup organic Brown Rice;
2/3 can full fat Coconut Milk;
2.5 cups water;
two inches of Organic Ginger, sliced thin and pounded;
1/2 cup unsweetened thick sliced shredded Coconut.
2 tsp finely ground himalayan sea salt

Rinse rice and barley in a colander, put everything in a pot and bring to boil. Cover and reduce to simmer for about a half hour, or until cooked through.  Leave covered for 10 mins after cooking to absorb extra water. Discard ginger or leave it in, if you'd like. Fluff and top with cilantro.

The Transformative Year

Today on NPR, I heard a story of a woman who found out her son was terminally ill. At 9 months old he was diagnosed with Tay-Sachs desease. She told of her reaction to the news that her son would surely pass away... She mentioned how she was faced with the realization that her parenting would be so different than other's experiences because immediately she was no longer parenting for a future; she was parenting for a finite life of a child who had barely began to live. This realization hit her hard because, especially in today's society, traditional parenting is so focused on the future and planning for a lifetime right from the start.

She said that first year was the most transformative year of her life, and that through dealing with her son's desease she was able to learn to live in the moment and cherish what she had in front of her. The gifts of every day. Her son, by just living as baby's do, made her look at the world in a different light. When you no longer are making plans for a future, but simply being grateful for living another day with love...

I am thinking of this last line, and how it rings true for me as well... I am thinking about how loosing everything or preparing to loose everything can make your eyes and heart open wider than they ever have before. I am also thinking about how a lot of truly transformative experiences lead to this realization: of just seeing what is in front of you for what it is... and living/loving life with an open heart.

oh me oh my

So, here I am a birthday girl... ages since I last posted in this blog... I got to thinking it has been a while when a good friend of friend graciously asked me to post again... apparently people actually read this from time to time. I love the idea of journaling, but just like most ideas... most of the time they float away from you without something to stick them down... and although I have plenty of things floating through my head from day to day, none of them have been interesting enough (or impersonal enough) to share with the masses... or I've just been a bit lazy... hmmm :)

So, I have had a lot of the usual questioning of life and love going on in the old noggin for over a year now, but that has been behind the scenes for me most part because this year I have been focusing on living in the moment and simplifying as best as possible. I started reflecting on what this year has been like the other day, and it has been like no other... For one: I have been dreaming fantastic. Yes, somehow I have been bitten by some sort of muse (I know his name, do you?) (with a sly smile) and my dreams have exploded in detail, color, light, imagery, words, feelings... it's truly amazing... and amazing even more, when I did not have this love in my life for nearly two months this fall, my dreams were quiet. Very still. I don't know what to make of it... but I am going to try my damnedest to cultivate the place within myself where these dreams come from... Perhaps the muse is myself? I sure hope so, as it is a lot easier to count on yourself than someone else... (and that is a whole'nother can of worms that could be opened for discussion... I won't go there now though)...

This feeling where my creativity and dream life arises... this feeling of hope and love and security and adventure and unconditional, unwavering goodness... I have been thinking a lot this year about this intangible feeling that just feels so rooted. It's almost akin to faith... or patience. Something like that... whatever it is, it settles me and completely sets me free. A most wonderful balance that has been a catalyst to really great things in my life and the most wonderfully happy and healthy attitude toward existing. I finally have grasped the concept of patience...

Now here I go turning 30 again... (my birthday is like groundhog's day... every year I have a potluck, cook pulled pork for my friends, and from this year on I will keep turning 30 until I completely forget how old I am and laugh at the number).... Oddly enough a large part of my dreams last night dealt with me learning to be more like a Buddha... I know, right! I think it's hilarious... I was in some sort of Buddha training and I was being exposed to all aspects... even how to do my hair like a buddha.... ha! Except the way it said to do my hair was more like a braided Geisha pigtail do... BUT I was also training to learn the subtle mysteries of the Buddha nature and it was snowing heaps in the dream!... pretty good dream to wake up to on your birthday!!

So, this blog may turn into a dream journal... we'll see... It will be nice to start writing again...

Cheers!

When you're lost in the rain in Juarez and it's Easter time too... when gravity fails you and negativity won't pull you through...

This has been a helluva busy week so far. I am kind of reeling at the pace my life it running lately... last week seems like yesterday, and it's almost as if tomorrow already happened. I feel like I am speeding through some sort of bonus round, collecting golden coins, or pearls of wisdom as I rush along to higher heights... either I'll grow wings and fly to another level, or gravity will fail me and I will have to hit the reset button... y'all know what I am talking about if you grew up with first generation Nintendo, like nearly every American child of the 1980's...

Pearl of wisdom number one... (extract from this what you will)
I was teaching a Vietnam Vet how to ski last week. This was my last lesson of the season with Challenge Alaska. A season filled with littlies wedging their way to the paraolympics someday; brave teenage girls on a snowboard for the first and last time ever; bumps, bruises, smiles, snowballs, raindrops (downpour), tears, powder, slush, sunshine through the snow, and big wide open hearts. It has been a wonderful season. I have received much fulfillment from overcoming obstacles and helping kids and adults with disabilities learn to ski and snowboard. Even in the pouring rain... I loved this job.
Interestingly and sweetly, my last lesson with this Vietnam Vet, Rick, was sunny, warm, and absolutely easy. He was a natural and we just chatted and skied in the sunshine, sharing stories of life adventures. He looked at me at the end of the lesson and said, "I think you must be a gypsy at heart." He knew because he was one too... I told him of my plans (or lack there of) for the summer and how I may meet up with Dom and Ernie. Rick reiterated that he believed I was definitely a damn gypsy; with a smile his spirit touched mine, and I knew we were both grateful for a lovely sunny day and wonderful company.


Pearl of wisdom number two... (extract from this what you will)
One of my good friends received two kidneys and a pancreas on the side during a transplant operation in Seattle last December. Prior to this operation he was a 47 year old man undergoing dialysis 3-4 times a week, as a result of his kidney failure related to chronic diabetes. He was dieing. His kidneys and pancreas were donated from a vibrant 21 year old college student that was hit by a car on a Friday night while she was crossing the street on campus in Seattle last December.

Ted had been very sick all summer and was taken off the transplant list after two near matches that had brought him from Alaska to Seattle and put him on the operating table twice, only to be told that he was not a near enough match for these potential organs... Two weeks before his donor's accident he was healthy enough to be put back on the list. As he laid on the operating table that December evening, over 800 people held candles in the hospital parking lot in memoriam of the girl who had lost her life that evening.
As one plant withers, another stalk grows. No longer diabetic, Ted has sprouted a new lil bud, and 4 months after his transplant he is doing swimmingly. In fact he is swimming, biking, hiking, working, and loving his new lease on life. I couple days ago he came into my massage school clinic and I got a chance to work on him. His energy level was amazing and his body is really responding to the new organs quite well. His Kidney Qi was fairly full and seemed to be harmonizing with the new organs.
He is super stoked for this summer's bike season, and is hoping to do a benefit ride sometime in late summer to raise awareness and money for diabetics and transplant candidates living in Alaska. You see, when someone gets sick up here... and I mean real sick... they have to fly to Seattle (3.5 hrs by plane) for most treatments and major operations. This puts a huge stress on patients and families.
Ted wants to give back and to help others in his situation realize that there is hope. That they can live an active life while still sick, and that their recovery depends not only on the fates that they are given or their lot in life, but also the choices that they make on their path to wellness. To live an active and rich life, and to never stop trying; to never loose hope, and to be grateful for the time you have because you never know how your story will go.


So, dangit if it isn't Easter time... Easter means to me... let's see... I can't help but think of Cadburry eggs and soft bunny ears. Let us not forget the crispy tails of a fresh, shockingly pink marshmallow peep! As I get older, I also add to this list: delicious eggs benedict and mimosas :-P
Also, Easter is a time of new beginnings, of course... (please refer to the brief pearls of wisdom mentioned above), and indeed I am experiencing a bit of renewal myself. (insert great big smile)

Happy Easter!!!!!!!

time to catch up with myself

September 2009 - I return from India. The next day my life as I knew it changed forever. Pāli: अनिच्चा anicca; Sanskrit: अनित्य anitya; Tibetan: མི་​རྟག་​པ་ mi rtag pa; English: Impermanence. However you say it, this basic tenant of life was bound to creep up on me sooner or later. My life had been pretty stagnant for the past few years and my scale finally tipped, weighted by many influences that had been piling up on my shoulders. Finally with enough money saved to quazi comfortably make some changes, I quit my job to finish massage school, 7 years after I began the endeavor. Wow.

Blink

I am sitting here watching the snow fall, trying to motivate myself to do a little qi gong and stretch before I hit the mountain for a day of free skiing. My volunteer work with Challenge Alaska is finished and now I get to play for the last couple weeks of the season. It occurred to me last night that I haven't written in this blog for a whole 6 months! I need to catch up with myself. I can't believe it...it's the end of March already?!?!?!

This winter has been the best winter of my life. I have been so busy studying the Theory of Traditional Chinese Medicine, finishing up massage classes, volunteering with Challenge Alaska, learning to Telemark Ski, learning to play my Fiddle, and planning for my future of flexibility and adventure, with an open heart. I have started my first business, Alaska Cooperative Consulting, and my second business, Gratitude Healing Arts, is in the pipeline. I am setting myself up to be able to travel and lead a life rich in experiences, while still keeping my feet on the ground.

Before I get down to the business end of things, I am going to take some time this summer to travel around the States again. I am picking up my '85 Westfalia camper van and hitting the open road!!! I leave the last week in April for Arizona. I will be journaling most of my trip and right now that trip is pretty open. I will be biking and climbing around the Southwest, then my way up toward Northern California and Oregon. I am looking for some partners for the journey, so if you have the time and inclination, let me know. You are welcome to ride along!

Can I get a Witness?!?!?

So, finally I have posted pictures from my trip to India... you can take a looksey at my picassa site

There are 5 albums of the individual sections of my trip and a "Best Of" Album with slightly less than 200 photos... hope you can handle it.. I tried my best to break it down, but you all know how I am with photography and I think that the photos, at least in the best of album, are good enough to hold your attention.

Since I got back I have been decompressing and will wrap the process up this weekend in Charlotte for the Allman Brothers and Widespread Panic Shows... yay! I will be reuniting with my dear friends Anna Huffman and Cliff Paulin... sure to be a good time. Details to come..

Enjoy the photos and if you happen to like any in particular, please let me know.. I am trying to get a gallery exhibit up by mid November and need some help choosing what to print.

Much Obliged. Heart of mine...

kiss the ground, hug your dog...

Can I just tell you how thrilled I am to be back in Alaska... how thrilled I am to hug my sweet soft dog... I am going through pics and will post some new entries along with some choice photos and links to more, if your lookin... soon... likely by the week's end... keep yo'self posted!

The Scramble

Whoa... I feel like I just woke up out of a haze.. been slightly sick for the past week here in Bhatsu.. I have a number of ideas why, but most of it boils down like the slightly treated water in all of the guest houses I have stayed... this is India..
India has finally caught up with me... now after three days of 'mild' rest at my ashram.. one of which involved a 5 hour hike to a grassy knoll with Lutkas (prayer flags) and glorious views of the snowline on the Himalaya (perfect for napping)...I am itching (both mentally and physically due to various flea bites) to get on the move to see just a few more places before I head out on Thursday evening.

This morning I head to Amritsar to see the Golden Temple... then maybe to visit my fiend Vid in Jaipur then on to Delhi in the afternoon of Thursday to catch my plane that night. Hoohaa! let's pack it all in!! Really I will probably just head from Amritsar to Delhi on Wednesday evening and arrive Thursday morning in Delhi to try to find some trouble to get into there for the afternoon... sounds like a plan. No sleep till Brooklyn... :)

And I really can't wait to get home to decompress and fill this blog with the best pictures from the trip... and hug my dog...
namaste'

Fusion

My mind is already racing after my first day of cooking class... Pulled Pork stuffed momos with Mango chutney?? This is all I can think about right now.
Today was a good day. I hiked to a waterfall in the dreadful wind and rain (and thunder and lightning) it was awesome.
I had my first Ayruvedic medicine class and cooking class. Tomorrow I hit repeat and do it all over again.. with Somosas and Dal Mahktani and Chapati this time instead of Veggie and chocolate momos...

I think I will start the day with yoga... this morning I started the day telling myself that I was no longer young enough to be afraid of thunder and shadows made by lightning. I haven't experienced a thunder storm like that since I was young enough to be scared of those things. Living through such a storm this morning (for the first time in nearly 15 years) took me back to a feeling that I thought I had lost ages ago. It was exhilarating... I laid in bed and listened to sets of rain falling in waves across the forest canopy, slowly moving over the tin roof I slept under. It was lovely, peaceful, and almost musical. All morning long... all day long... the rain stopped about an hour ago. A nice end to a gloriously lonesome day in the mountains... I am headed out to have a "Bhatsu Cake" which is something like a nanaimo bar or whatever you call those things with butterscotch and chocolate... damn good?

Bhatsunag

Hello from the forest near Dharamsala in a village called Bhatsunag (or Bhatsu)... also know as the official home of all Isrealis in exile.. I mean Tibetans... no wait.. I mean Isrealis... wait.. I am confused... Am I in Isreal? I thought I went to India, but there are nothing but Isrealis in these backpacker towns and half of the signs are in Hebrew...I met a man this mornign that explained to me that all Isrealis are terrified of being alone and pack together which happens to have the quazi unfortunate effect of turning places they travel to into little Isreali villages... interesting indeed...

I spent the morning reading in a cafe while it poured down rain all around the terrace with some really good Neil Young album drifting from the cafe speakers. then Pink Floyed, then the Chantrelles, then Annie Lenox.. I left after the Chantrelles and started down the lane just in time for the rain to end and the terrible music to begin... perfect timing as usuall.. sun is now shining.. living is easy as I drift like a little leaf today wondering around the vilage and into the woods...

I had a really good stuffed sweet sweet roma tomato today.. stuffed with a delish panner, golden raisins, spices and cashews.. the sauce was I think tomato, cashew based with onions, garlic and turmeric...maybe some pureed chickpeas. I am really putting it down to a focus on the food for the last week of my trip. Tomorrow I start a cooking class and will be making Veggie and chocolate momos among other things... I also will begin 3 day course in Ayurvedic Medicine in the morning. Living is easy.. drinking apple wine in the evenings and hiking and eating the days away... hope the balance isn't tipped too far to the plumpy side by the time I get home ;)

I think I am going to wake up to yoga and maybe a laughing meditation lead by my friend Maitreya (Ashish)... I think his real name is Ashish, but whatever, he is one of the nicest most free people I have ever met and he and his lady Layla are so sweet, so I suppose he can call himself whatever he wants... I am staying with them in the woods outside town... well, I am done with my internet business for the day...

More food stories to come...

sweet sweet baby trek

So it took me two days to recover from my altitude sickness. I felt the worst I have felt in about six years... it felt like I had a bad case of the flu while riding a really radical carnival ride for about a day and half. I had to leave Vid (my sweet Buddhist Slovenian friend) to his own devices in the Markha Valley and opt for join my German friend, Mierko, on what the locals call the "baby" trek. Likir to Nurla.. however, this was quite a long trek and we didn't have pack animals and although the highest pass was around 4K meters, it was pretty hard in the midday heat.. hottness.... It took us two days and it was lovely and I can't wait to share pictures. It is starting to turn to Autumn here, but it is still super hot during the day.

Now I am back in Ley for a bit. I am actually thinking to maybe leave for Manali/ Vashist tonight... I just feel like getting a move on... time to see something new and I want enough time to do some trekking in Dharamsala and maybe see the Spiti Valley too.

I have 12 days left. Today in the midday sun I missed Alaska. Did I mention that it is really really hot here? I need a swimming hole.

The people that I have met in Ley have been interesting. This is a hippie/ tourist/ trekker town and the different nationalities tend to stay in different areas of town. I found a wonderful guest house in Chanspa, away from the hustle and bustle of people an the hundreds of Kashmiri shop owners that try to get you to buy pashminas.... The owners of the guest house that I have been staying at are darling and their garden and view are both amazing. I was grateful for that the two days that I could not move from the sickness...

Being out of Ley for the past few days has been a great feeling. Being in the small Ladakhi towns is quite nice the people in the villages that we have stayed in and passed through are so welcoming. I slept under the stars last night and hummed myself to sleep under the most starts I have seen since the Blue Range in Arizona.

My trek partner Mierko and I have had some interesting conversations. He is 26 and has been thinking about his future and his life in Germany... what he really wants and needs to be happy... we have had some interesting conversations indeed. It has been nice to trek with someone, as opposed to all by my lonesome...

Maybe tonight I say goodbye to Ley.. maybe tomorrow, but soon for sure.... onward I go.

Busted...

Tried to leave for my hike today in Markha Valley and got shut down by a mild case of altitude sickness.. I feel awful!!! off to bed with me.. more pics maybe tomorrow when I am resting. :)

what you have been waiting for..

More to come!! I have to run to grab breakfast then head to the Markha Valley for a 5 day trek... oh, and bad news.. the shutter on my good camera broke :( hopefully it will somehow fix itself... you never know....

The kind of Beautiful that takes your Breath away and brings a Tear to your eyes...

I arrived in Ley, Ladakh!! yesterday... coincidentally, so did the Dalai Lama... it is good to be in good company. I saw him speak with a couple thousand exiled Tibetans this morning in a field outside town. Truely, truely... this trip has been one pinch of sweet luck after another... The drive from Srinigar/ Sonamarg was what inspired the title to this post. I have had some of the most beautiful landscapes in the world burned into my retinas by the intense rays at 12,000 ft bouncing off of the areas in of the mountainsides that were not covered in drifting cloud shadows. I will post pics just as soon as I can. promise.

On the way to Ley I stopped in Sonamarg, Kashmir... where I was promptly harassed by a man at the dirtiest guest house I had ever been in... I scoffed at his 1000 Rps price ($20) and turned around when he followed with an offer for a 'free' room... I laughed out loud at this one, as I thought he was making a joke... hah ah... he then grabbed my boob and tried to shove his dirty Kashmiri tongue on my face to lick my cheek or something... I am not making this up...

I ended up finding a great place to stay down the road where I was only slightly harassed (we'll call it pampered) with a trip to the Thalegewas Glacier on horseback by the guesthouse manager, then given countless bottles of orange soda and mango juice in an effort for the young manager and his helper to try to catch a glimpse of my in my night clothes... no harm no foul, I guess. I will call it.. frighteningly endearing?

I am so so glad to be out of Muslim Kashmir and into Buddhist Ladakh. It is glorious. Kashmir was beautiful.. caught 5 brown trout and hiked some amazing forests, but was asked if I was married by EVERYONE (men) that I met, as I did not meet any women, despite the fact that I am wearing a fake wedding ring to stave off the crazies (Thank you Dave Griffin for that idea... where would I be without you, I do not know)
I have also concocted an elaborate story regarding my husband... this has been fun... dare to dream, I guess... true love in my mind... I digress.

So, I have made some friends finally as there are actually tourists in Ladakh.. however, my first friend I made here was actually my age... and local.. and promptly propositioned me as well... love those tantric Buddhists... :)

One of my new friends is a rather interesting Slovenian fellow and an equally cute German dude whom I have persuaded to hike Markha Valley with me in 4-5 days. Tour groups do it in 6-10... Alaskans do it all day long and in the dark. (my new bumper sticker... pretty clever... would have been more clever, but I am tired, cut me some slack).

I ate at this guesthouse in Changspa with a couple from Vienna and my new hiking partners tonight.. the owners make food all grown from their garden. Delish!

Everything about this place suits me... I was told yesterday by my tantric Buddhist friend that I must have been from the Himalaya in a past life.. by the way I walk and how I carry myself and my way of thinking... who knows.. it brings a smile to my face to think so though, and it feels good to be home(ish). hmm... writing that last last sentence just now made me think of something I once told someone very close to me... that I could feel at home anywhere in the world with that person... oddly enough... they could be here now, but aren't and it still feels good to be home(ish). great actually. a nice full circle closure to the long evening/ year... to bed with me... with a smile :)

oh, let the sun beat down upon my face.....

I am in Kashmir after 25 hours of the scariest adventure bus ride of my life... we drove through a torrential thunder storm in the middle of the night near Jammu and I swear I felt the tires break contact with the road under about 2 feet of water .. althought the bus was fairly comfortable, it was abit nerve racking being the only white person on a bus filled with local people goign to a region most of the people in the world think is filled with terrorists...

Kashmir is glorious and the people that I have met on the bus and while I have been in Srinigar have proved to be very sincere and solid... I am going trout fishing in the mountains tomorrow and then heading to Ley... Kashmir is amazing. so so so lovely.... and some of the most beautiful people I have ever seen.
I am staying on a lovely houseboat in Dal Lake.. I stumbled upon this hookup in Delhi and it has proved to be an amazing connection... so serene this little houseboat is with the most amazing family... I sit in thier kitchen and they let me cook with them I am learing a ton about Kashmir and it is most interesting to be in a region that is 'occupied'... if you catch my drift.. Indian soldiers everywhere... everywhere...
the eldest son of the housboat family is my personal tour guide and took me to see bears ad a snow leopard at a wildlife sanctuary and tomorrow he is taking me 2 hours into the mountains to go fishing near some Mogule ruins...

As an aside... I need to get the hell out of Kashmir before I buy the most beautiful silk rug that I have ever seen and ride it straight back to Alaska... I swear to god that rug was made especially for me... everything about it is perfect.. it's truely magic.. I was joking with the organizer of the carpet cooperative that if I buy the damn thing, it should come with a pack unicorn so I can carry it around the rest of India with me... only in my dreams...

going to eat some Kashmiri Lamb. I probably will try to be out of touch for a bit now.. just wanted to let some peoples know that I am safe and settled.

India it's your Birthday!!

I awoke early this morning to the sound of rain and wet dogs barking in the street, so I headed up to the rooftop terrace to see the day before the dawn. I am apparently a bit jetlagged because that was at 2:30 this morning and I haven't been able to go back to sleep... There were Indian military police everywhere. One on every rooftop watching guard as the VIPs were to arrive in the area within a few hours.

Today is the Indian Indepandence day. This morning I watched the news as the Independence day speach was made about two blocks from where I laid in bed, at the Red Fort. I didn't understand any of the speach because it was in Hindi, but every so often I put it on mute and I could hear muffles of the actual speach through the walls of my room.

I am sitting in the lobby of my hotel waiting for the rain to stop so I can head to the bus terminal to get the heck out of Delhi. I am either headed to Srinagar or Dharamsala. Flip of a coin will determine when I get there, I guess.

A cute little Indian boy is reading this post over my shoulder as I type. He is pretty good at reading English. I just smiled at him and told him so.

Oh Delhi....

Safe in India... utterly exhausted after having had about 8 hours sleep in the last 40 hours of living... I had a delicious dinner of some vegetarian item that I have not a clue as to what was in it, except for the homade paneer. hmmm... can't wait to get some cooking classes under my belt to help crack that code!

Today is lord Krishna's birthday (Janmashtami) happy birthday Krishna... Krishna, it's your birthday.. (shout out to the late MJ) this has lead to a very festive day of walking around the old city, spice market, an numerous alleys filled with smiling children and many many friendly men.

Delhi smells like either Nag Champa or sour urine, depending on which way the thick wet breeze is shifting at that particular moment.

Highlights of my first day: finding Prickly Heat in a maze of stores in the Chandi Chowk; eating pickled carrots and drinking rose water with the nicest little old man at the pickled things stand... we chapped for about 45 min, he reminded me of my grandpa... really sweet smile, square glasses, and really long earlobes; free breakfast of curried potatoes and fried bread; and Cardamom from the spice market in my bottled water... anyone who really knows me knows that I NEED Cardamom in my water when it is swelteringly hot outside... it just eases my constitution...

I think I saw more kites today from the rooftop of my guest house than I have ever seen collectively throughout my whole life. Today was the day of kites. Tomorrow is the Indian Indepedence Day!! Tomorrow I take a long long long bus to Srinagar, Kashmir. This was not in the original 'plan' but I didn't really have a 'plan' anyway... so whateva. (Cousin Jenny, are you still worrying? I hope not, but if you weren't you probably are now)

I have had pretty rad luck since I started traveling and things have just been falling into place, so with the grace, all will stay on that course.

So, I am really really tired.. going to watch some Indian cooking show that is like a cross between Giada's Everyday Italian and the movie Mama Mia...

Yes, I do like India.

Don't take it personally...

Here I am blogging from my amazing iphone in the Portland airport before heading out on a plane to Amsterdam then Delhi. There is an Asian woman in front of me with the sweetest My Little Pony backpack on..it's even got real pink pony hair coming out the side. Reminds me a bit of Jenny the second night at the Phish show. :)

This week has been much fun and a little cloudy. It was great to reconnect with some of my Vt peoples. This brought back a ton of nostalgia that I definitely did not anticipate. Twinges if sadness for what was being overwhelmed by gratitude and the good times of the present moment. Knowing these people for 5 or 6 years and coming back together like no time had passed...makes me have faith in my ability to cultivate patience, and brought my favorite cheesy girlscout singalong song into my head..."Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold" :) I know...so cheesy, right? But I love it!

So I am pretty excited about my travels here and there... I will be wondering from the moment I set foot in India with no set plans.it struck me a bit ago about how liberating and terrifying this is.. All at once. It makes me smile. Goodbye comfort zone, goodbye iPhone. Please don't take it personally....(did I mention this will be my mantra until I master the fine art of not taking things personally.. It recently occurred to me that much of the recent drama in my life has been a result of me taking things too personally...done with that for a while...there is 'no self' in India) :) flying away!

Where would I be without the Popsicle Incedent?

All is fairly well in my world today... went for an amazing hike. I will post pics as soon as google adds my extra storage... are you listening google...big brother??? That may sound a bit like a schizophrenic rant, but anyone who has a gmail account knows that google knows everything about you...
Anywho.. Mary, Holly, Brian, Ben and I hiked lost lake. It was lovely... serotonin replenished and my sunburn came back as well. Yes, much sunshine, many lakes, dogs, mountains, glaciers, marmots... what else...

Lots of unencumbered thinking (16 miles of it). Which leads me to the subject line of this post. Where would I be without the popsicle incedent? The popsicle incedent is the name that I gave to one of the most influential experiences of my childhood.. short story long... just kidding :) ...
So, basically I turned down an opportunity to eat a popsicle and color with the boy that I liked, Grant, who had just had his tonsils out and needed some company... I had such a big crush on him that I said no to eating a popsicle and coloring ( two of my favorite things) just because I was a little dear in headlights and had no idea how to handle the situation. Then I sat in my yard and swang on my swings while he stared over at me from two fences away looking all sad b/c I didn't want to play with him. Well, this made me feel so bad.. not only did I hurt his feelings, I hurt my own... just because I was too afraid to go after what my heart really wanted. I was 6 and this made such an impact on me.. it was my very first life lesson and I vowed to try to never let fear stop me from anything... love, friendship, travel, riding home at 2:00 am past 8 randomly screaming people on the bike path near Sullivan Arena... ok.. maybe I should have let fear stop me from that one... :) but it turned out all right this time...

So, I see people in my life now that have maybe never had a popsicle incedent...and I think to myself, where would I be without mine? Maybe a little less assertive, adventurous, reckless... maybe a little less passionate. Well, these attributes, if anything, help me appreciate what I have in my life. Because I got there by following my heart.

I am getting ready to leave for India.. Thursday I travel to Seattle to visit with some friends and then off to India from there on August 11th... I have a lot on my mind as of late and I am not sure that travel right now is the best thing for me... I felt like this would be bad timing around March when I got my tickets, but I kinda went for it anyway... I am a bit afraid to travel on my own for a month in India, but I think it will be a rewarding experience, and since I at one point did have a travel partner, I feel like they maybe backed out for a reason.. I am probably supposed to do this on my own. Anywho, I am not really fearful at this moment.. I actually kind of feel like I am being carried along on a train with no say in my destination... good feeling I guess when you have no where you have to be for a bit...

So the things on my mind... some of my closest friends have been a bit more distant than usual lately. And I have been a bit more kneedy as of late( I spelled that wrong on purpose) . It's kind of a 'chicken or the egg' situation, but life is always changing and things happen so you can learn from them, so when I get back I am sure life will be on the upswing. I will likely learn more about myself in the next two months than I have in the past 4 years... and more about Indian cooking as well. Hopefully I will come back a bit more settled and a lot less kneedy.
Namaste

Can I borrow some of your serotonin?

I have had so much fun this summer I think I am spent... does anyone have any serotonin that I could borrow??? seriously... this summer has been amazing, lovely weather... great bike rides, hikes, and sunshine!!! I think I am all cashed because with the gloom and rain of the past week, I am a little under the weather....

Yes, when it rains it pours and it seems little warm drops of rain are coming at me from all directions... It's like walking around in a hailstorm. Going about your daily business with momentary pangs of sadness that sting your cheek or hit you square on the head.

Serotonin please!!!?!?! (with a half joking, but only half, and somewhat cynical smile)

So, I am going through a bit of a rough patch of life at the present moment. I just had to end a very nice relationship to save an even better friendship. Timing timing timing... that is my main lesson for the year... with a side lesson on how to love with my whole heart and then let go. Pretty big ones..heavy...

Well, I am getting ready to leave for the Phish shows at the Gorge and then on to India!! I will likely only post text entries while I am in India and will try to update photos and send out a link to an album during the first few weeks of my return (late September). I will be moseying around Ladakh for about 3 weeks (gone 4 weeks total).

This trip will be alone. I may meet people to travel with, I may not... I am open to whatever. I plan on really focusing on settling my mind and my self on this trip. I hope to kind of come into my own after everything that has happened with me in the past 4 years. I want to do some looking into how I feel about this past, looking into my future, and trying to affirm a solid ground. As one of my old bosses used to love saying, 'terra firma'... A platform to go forward. I hope to come back with some new energy while at the same time I hope to settle into my self and my life. I have at times been a 'grass is greener on the other side' kid of girl... I think I am coming out of that... I can feel it...it feels good. :)

Well, here are some pics from the past month of me being too happy for my own good. Didn't know there was such a thing...

Pictures to come tomorrow. check back... I have to buy more storage :(

Oh!!! and the big news...almost forgot to tell you... I am no longer moving from Alaska... it just didn't feel right at the present moment... I hope I am not screwing myself over because I will very likely have another long.. lonely winter....full of backcountry skiing, skate skiing after work, yoga, good dinners, salsa dancing, and whiskey.... maybe I will try to get a roomate....hmmm....we shall see....